The Perfect Moment

The music rang clear as the pedals hit the strings and the moment is suddenly, unexpectedly perfect. Music filled the house - the tones played on the piano reverberated with the human voice.

Teaching

He sat up -concentrated very enthusiastically over his writing. I had timed him for 2 minutes to write as many Malay words as he could. Little boy in shorts, in a washed-too-many-times faded t-shirt, sitting at the plastic table and chair in his small apartment in Cheras. I was tutoring him in Malay language as one of my friends could not take him up as she tutored students mainly in PJ or TTDI. He was a bright student though slightly on the slow side. This was my 2nd month of tutoring him.

"Times up!" I said.

He let out an 'Aiya' exclamation...one of signals that showed he was more motivated than he wanted to convey. He was a funny chap. When faced with a difficult question he often said "I cannot do it", "I don't know how to do it", "Cannot cannot cannot", "I don't know how"...in a consistency that surprised me- sometimes he said it even before I even gave him any questions. It was as if he was trying to test me - "Do what you want, but I cannot do it" or "Don't expect anything out of me" - which was disturbing for me. How can one so young already be programmed to think that he will fail? For most of the lesson, I struggled to keep his attention on the lesson and his learning attitude in place.

However in this session tonight, for once he genuinely was interested in what he was doing and doing it with a fervour. This little spark I will keep nurturing (albeit with much patience though) until he makes it.

I'm Back!

After 2 weeks of being away I'm finally blogging again. In between I visited Ipoh Taiping, was in company trainings, workshops, turned 27 years old and spent a very nice 5 days in Phuket. Thought I'd drop a message here before I go into 'blog oblivion' - that obscure place where you're a million miles from posting messages and your page gets stuck at the same place all the time. Good to be back!

Hide and Seek

by Howard Jones

There was a time when there was nothing at al
Nothing at all, just a distant hum
There was a being and he lived on his own
He had no one to talk to, and nothing to do
He drew up the plans, learnt to work with his hands
A million years passed by and his work was done
And his words were these...

Hope you find it in everything, everything that you see
Hope you find it in everything, everything that you see
Hope you find it, hope you find it
Hope you find me in you

Fiona's Law

Murphy's Law:
If anything can go wrong, it will.

Fiona's Law:
(Murphy's Law x Careless) = (Aftermath)(power to gazillion times)

Here's how the above is demonstrated:

Phuket Trip:
I get ready to fly off to Phuket - everything packed and ready to go. Even the minutest detail taken care of - bottle of water, extra underwear, contact lenses, etc in the bag. Timed to leave the house at 9am for the flight check in at 10.45am. Mother (who was informed beforehand) is ready to take me to the KLIA Transit station. I open my passport and see that it's expired -Feb 2005. Great.

Parking Ticket:
Pissed off that I had to reschedule the trip, I go off to Mid Valley with Philippe who wanted to do some grocery shopping. Realizing that I would be RM800 poorer due to the change in airticket AND renewal of passport, I vowed not spend a cent on anything in Mid Valley. Parking is free so don't have to pay anything. Lunch, can eat at home. Just the petrol and the occasional phone call to AirAsia to settle the details. In Carrefour, I pass the food aisle, resist the urge to pick up useless food items. Resist the urge to eat lunch in Mid Valley itself. Checking out time, time to pay the parking. Where's the ticket? Not in my bag though I swore I saw it drop in my sack during the entry. It must have dropped out when my bag tilted or when I took out my hp to answer a call. Run around Carrefour retracing my steps. Ask the info counter and security counters. No one has seen it. After 1/2 an hour I give up. Pay the RM20 for the lost ticket. Great.

Happy Merdeka Day

Selamat Hari Merdeka
Hari ini kena jadi drebar pendekar
Terlupa hari ini jalan tertutup
Jln Tun Razak, Jln Ampang terbuntut
Kereta terpasang jalur gemilang
Semangat keMalaysiaan berkobar-kobar
sewaktu kemelesetan ekonomi yang menular
Harga petrol sudah naik
Nak meraih pun rasa perit
Saya tetap juga nak pergi
Menonton bunga api di KLCC
bersama Indon, Bangla sekali

Three Colours: White

I found this movie lighter than the first, 'Blue'. While 'Blue' was tragically liberating, I found 'White', tragically comic. I couldn't make an immediate connection between the first and the second as they were entirely independent in style and structure.

An interesting observation by Dave Kehr:

"The structure of the trilogy follows the traditional pattern of a three-act play: an opening statement of the themes and images (Blue), a reversal of those themes (White), and finally a synthesis and resolution (Red) that moves the themes to a different level"

Ahhh....a very clever view point and adds more bits to the puzzle.

White begins in Paris- Karol Karol a Polish hairdresser is being divorced by his French wife, Dominique on the basis that the marriage wasn't consumnated. Having lost his self-respect, humiliated cruelly by his wife, he smuggles himself back to Poland in a suitcase. In Poland, he slowly gains his lost pride which ultimately leads him to exact 'equality' on his cold-blooded wife. The twist to the story happens at the very end where he sees his wife in prison and realizes that she still loves him and he still loves her. Equally ironic.



I liked the film - but thought that 'Blue' was more powerful in delivery. On the side, the funny bit about the screening at AEI was the genius 'pre-empting' of the host on the steamy scenes of the movie. Such is the case if we have to placate purists coming to such screenings.

Staging an Act

It's in a buzz. Head slightly light after a double-dose of coffee. Somehow it can't seem to focus its mind. There are days when it did too many things at once, and had too many things to do. Today is one of them . There were also days it stared at the digital dial on its desktop, time dripped slowly as if through a decanter. It was a first class act. It could change its skin like a chameleon and take on many roles. Some roles required its heaviest concentration of skill and some roles it played with such ease, it didn't require thinking - effortless and subconsciously. The following are the roles it has played this week:


Fire Fighter
Nerd
Office worker
Phone 'porridge cooker' (Chinese expression of someone who talks too long on the phone)
Rude person
Pretender
Spy
Busybody
Liar
Sex worker
...and the list goes on.

It sits now at its table, wondering what role would come next. Or is it already assuming one at the moment?...Yes, without it realizing, it is now playing the role of 'schemer'. That is why it cannot focus its mind. It is not a natural manipulator of resources and planning. This requires much amount of work and effort to learn and it has not much time. Now that it has realized what it has become, the learning process begins....

Falling Off the Face of The Earth

The following was sparked by Murakami.

Phone rings
I let it go unanswered

SMS comes
I ignore it

Email drops in
I don't reply

Job postings in inbox
I put it in the trash

Enquiries from customers come in
I cancel the phone calls

Mother Father calls me/sms me. Worried about me
I am not there

Lover calls me/emails me/sms me. Feeling ignored
I disappear, unresolved.

Friends miss calls me, sends me a message. What happened to you?
I am non existent, no response


I sit at home
Feeling nothing, doing nothing
Falling out of the face of society
People stop enquiring
It takes only 90 days to erase a human memory
To be a nothing, wait 90 days
To stay a nothing, do nothing

An Afternoon of Discourse

Last Saturday at La Bodega's was a pretty interesting afternoon indeed. Some of us have met before and some for the first time. And so the 7 of us 'congregated' at La Bodega's Lounge in Bangsar Baru for the first time to talk on....'tan tan ta ra'! ...books! (and also a myriad of related topics....movies, what we do, where we came from, authors, genres etc.) It was also amazing as none of us were from similar backgrounds: some coming from different countries, some locals, some on holiday, some working, some owning their own businesses - everyone's geniality, openness and friendliness amazed me. Thus, I believe that's the magic of book clubs - it takes just the love of books to get people started on sharing. I just love it!

Flesh is Willing, Spirit is Weak

I froze my Fitness First membership for a few months due to the cost and to see if I could live without going for gym for a month. Its been 4 weeks now and I'm getting that 'lazy' feeling again. The feeling of wanting to go home, curl up with my book and munch on everything in the larder. Haven't felt this for years since I started seriously exercising 2 years ago. But somehow I feel deprived. Something's missing but I can't put my finger on it. I don't miss going to the gym, don't miss getting on the treadmill and sweating it out. In fact there's nothing more boring in the world than to run on a treadmill - going through the same motions repeatedly for 20 minutes - so very tedious and burdensome. But yet, my body wants to go and 'punish' itself and to achieve that 'high' after a strenuous workout. Where you're huffing and puffing and sweat is everywhere like a slick coat on your skin. The feeling when your heart is pumping blood like mad throughout your body and you're still going and going and going is exhilarating. Maybe this is the feeling that I miss but my mind is telling me "no money lar" and "you can always find other ways to exercise lar" or "don't be so obsessed lar"

Think I'm having a case of where 'the flesh is willing, but the spirit is weak'

Turd

Beginning at the precipice into the cavity, it moved down the chunnel and squeezed by the funnel. Biological clock moves from the top of the body, cells gradually changing, metamorphosizing, dying and sloughing. New ones activate, slowly from the inner to the outer layers. The motion of life slowly pervading to the lower regions of the torso like the gradual sweeping of light over the millions of grass blades overcasting the meadow. Feeding, always feeding -each individual body of life eating at it, the provider, the life force that flows into their path. Now at the heart of it all, mixtures of gas and chemical burst in reaction, frenzied by the gyrations of life. Dub dub, dub dub....but the journey moves on slowly churning and gurgling like a boiling mass in a contained organic pot slowly transforming it like a well-thought of cuisine prepared with utmost care by the host. Once the orgy is over, the activities subside like the guests that lie exhausted from the previous nights alcohol and crazed sex and dancing- dead but useless. Slowly but surely it's journey still continues. Sludging its way through, pushed without its consent, it slides where it can then stops where it can, sliding again and stopping. Who knows when this motion will end? Its uses spent, poor dead creature but it still moves on. At the nether regions, the movement is slowing almost to a halt. It is slowing, slowing. Soon the moment will come - it does not know. It is dead. It lies forever like this, still and unmoving. Still, still, still. And then the instant arrives, a sudden heave of motion expurges the dead thing out, taking with it all the uselessness and waste where it comes into a new world where no one knows where next it will go.

Another dream

I dreamt another dream this time.

She was wearing a black t-shirt and walking ahead of me. This person seems familiar; someone I know. No, I DO know her. She turns and asks me 'Did you lock your car?' My heartbeat rises a notch. I don't recall pressing the alarm button that makes my car go 'tweep' once. 'Tweep tweep' twice is to unlock it. Or did I do both? Locked it and then unlocked it? I want to get back to my car immediately.

Dream

I didn't update my blog for 2 days! God forgive me for my blog sloth!
I had a dream yesterday about my colleague. She used to mentor me in the days I was a young executive. She moved on to another country for work purpose, now holding a higher position and doing pretty well.

She was onstage receiving an award - it was a big recognition where everyone looks at you, applause going around, spotlight on you. She stepped down and hugged me like I was the most important person in the world - funny I thought cause we weren't close in that manner - I used to hate her guts for being so bossy and annoying. But she was really happy to see me.

Book Clubs Again

Yes, after months of testing, trying, delaying, procrastinating, I'm finally going to get this book club moving again. It's been really great participating in other books and literary groups like fictionandfriends, the book readings. And something tells /screams at me that it's high time I should start it as soon as possible. Why? Not sure.

I've posted a few notices in 2 or 3 forums, and am encouraged by the response. So we shall have the first meeting soon and start the ball rolling.

Chaque Seconde

By Kyo

Je veux vivre chaque seconde
Comme si demain était la fin du monde
Etre libre pour de bon
A trop vouloir s' élever on tombe

God Bless Girlfriends

Praise God for the providence of girlfriends

Haze, Traffic jams and Petrol Prices

The weather today: Hazy

So was the weather yesterday - today it got slightly better. The moment I stepped out of my office building yesterday evening I smelt that familiar burnt, dusty, pungent smell again. Reminded me of the haze of 1997 in KL - that lasted weeks.
This morning, it started to drizzle as I got into my car - my concern: acid rain disintegrating the metal body of my Kenari. Thank goodness I drive nowadays. Wouldn't want to have a acid-burn on my way to work.

The financial concern today: Petrol Price

This is the 2nd time this year that petrol prices increased. RM0.10 sen per litre. The last time I pumped was on July 31st - RM40 which is a full tank for my car got me only about 26 litres. Hallah hallah -but am thankful that if a bit of pricey petrol can save my face from acid disintegration, why not?


The CD album played in my car today: Keane:Hopes and Fears

Song of the day is "Everybody's Changing". I swear driving around in my car alone with the music blasting is entertainment itself. RM10 of petrol in the tank and driving (traffic free) is just as good as RM10 at TGV/GSC.

The word on oneword.com today: WEAPON
Time alloted: 60 seconds
Total entries: 63

Here are my favourite 5:

[velvethellvis]
Never use your feminine wiles as a weapon. they'll come back to bite you in the end when you've grown old, fat and ugly. trust me i know this.

[jaded hope]
my weaopn of choice is honesty. but not the easy, every day kind. the stuff that is left unsaid, hanging on the misconceptions of your perceptions. i say what no one wants to hear but NEEDS to hear and the power in uncovering a truth so blatantly ignored moves me beyond words.

[sam spade]
mary took the shower sprayer off it's hook and started spraying between my legs.in her other hand she held a large soapy sponge,which she immediately started rubbing all over my chest,"choose your weapon,"she cooed.

[Devilal Rajappan]
weapons of mass distructions are causing evoke in our world.we have to stop the manufacturing and use of weapons and spread the word of love.love all live long.help others..

[Dave]
my favorite weapon is the pen. you scum-sucking ingrate of a human. i can call you anything i want. fucker. asshole. or i can just stab you with it.

The Unrequited Love

She smiled back at it
The being in the pond
It smiled back at her
Branches all and frond

When she moved to touch it
It moved back to touch her
She was delighted in her fortune
At last she found a peer

It stood by her in sunny days
It stood by her in rain
At times she thought she was alone
But It took away her pain

"At last I found my one true love"
It smiled and said "Me too"
It's expression reflected hers
A glowing tender hue

Then one day she felt amiss
Her face,hands wilting brown
She didn't feel as strong as before
Dead petals on her crown

It looked at her all sad
It's face mirrored her illness
She looked to It for love while in her dying
All It gave was stillness

Finally her body fell
The flower by the pond
Her reflection in the water did the same
An unrequited bond

Ode to Garlic

White maiden in filmy dress
How you hide your smelly body
I smash you with my cleaver
In hopes that you will weaver
The magic of your senses
Mingling with the aubergines
Baba ganoush unlike ever seen

Cloves in droves
Cloves in droves
Cloves in droves

Oh pretty bulbs sitting in the box
I gather all of you
Many as I can
I cannot resist your temptations
Please please, tickle me with your sensations
After devouring you completely
Your odour resides in my mouth infinitely
Driving away other lovers
I don't need them, don't need the others

Cloves in droves
Cloves in droves
Cloves in droves