One less frustrated golfer...

I went to the driving range on my own last Monday. Supposed to meet up with Vincent but he couldn't leave early enough. So I whacked a few balls on my own. I haven't been practicing for ages and I wasn't surprised when my balls flew left, right, centre (most of the time hitting the low barrier with a really loud and embarrassing "Thump"!) I had a few winners though but they were few and far in between. The Indian golfer next to me must have either been a. Annoyed at the loud clangings or b. Worried that one of my balls would fly up and hit him. He sat down and observed what I was doing but didn't make any comment about my lousy golf shots. It was some time when I almost finished about 70-80% of my 100 balls when an old uncle who was just leaving with his bag in tow stood and looked at what I was doing. I wondered "Gosh, I must be either pretty good (as the only girl there) or extremely bad" - of course hoped for the former. I looked up at old uncle and jokingly said "How am I doing? Do you have a free tip for me?". Old uncle was only too happy to show me that my wrist work and club face angle was not good - and I was forcing the shot, not really letting it go naturally. He made me do a few shots in the correct way (it dribbled pathetically down the driveway) but nevertheless I thanked him for his time and teaching. He said "Well, I don't mind - if it means that there's at least one less frustated golfer among us. We should all be enjoying the game" Which I laughed and had to agree.

Troi couleur:Rouge

I meant to post something on this movie last Thursday. But me being unwise, I typed it directly onto the blog. And not surprisingly Internet explorer ‘hanged’ and I lost everything that was typed. Now I’m typing this on Word before transferring it on blog.

Red is the final part of Kieslowski’s brilliant Three Colour trilogy. This was the final movie he completed before his death and is acknowledged as THE Masterpiece amongst the three. Of all the interpretations, I liked most this one “if all three films are examined as a whole, the common unifying element is love” And Red being the colour of love, it closes the trilogy with this theme.

Frankly the movie was pretty hard for me to digest – maybe I wasn’t in my best frame of mind to think. There were random, connective scenes which needed processing which I didn’t catch. For instance, the scene of the young man running to his exam and dropping the book on the road. Then Judge Kern relates the same experience as he was young. Then the visual of the broken glass mug at the bowling alley, and the other broken glass shot in the judge’s house. I thought “Could the times sequence of the movie have purposely been unrelayed?”. “Is Judge Kern a psychic or psycho?”. The scenes seemed unrelated and detached which confused me. However I must admit the final scene was magnificent where Valentine’s profile was captured in a momentous glance which appeared earlier on in the movie.

Still I prefer Blue.

The Piano Girl

I'm really excited about my friend's piano. She ordered it last Saturday and it's finally coming! Angie will and always will be THE music girl in my mind - and also my best friend by the way. Days of us dressed in turqouise secondary school uniforms (hers seemed a different colour from the normal turquoise I remember) and going for choir practice every week after school come back to me everytime we sit at the piano on some evenings to make music. I don't have any pictures of us then - they are misty, watercolour images in my head; the school piano, the stage, the velvet curtains, the choir girls in uniform - but the feelings of the harmonies and the fun we had are still very much alive and everytime we sit at the piano it all comes back to me. Angie is always the organizer -she was the one leading the school choir and was president of the music society then. I remember a time in Form 4 when we had an inter-school choir competition and I was really nervous about fumbling as the piano accompaniment. We were in the midst of our exams but yet had to compete so I didn't really have much practice. It would have been really bad if the choir failed to do its best when the accompaniment spoilt it! She gave me encouragement and talked me out of it. Thankfully it went well.(we didn't win though, St John's Choir took the trophy I think)

Angie, here's to your new piano - the music's always there with you!

STOMP!

Stomp was amazing!

The Perfect Moment

The music rang clear as the pedals hit the strings and the moment is suddenly, unexpectedly perfect. Music filled the house - the tones played on the piano reverberated with the human voice.

Teaching

He sat up -concentrated very enthusiastically over his writing. I had timed him for 2 minutes to write as many Malay words as he could. Little boy in shorts, in a washed-too-many-times faded t-shirt, sitting at the plastic table and chair in his small apartment in Cheras. I was tutoring him in Malay language as one of my friends could not take him up as she tutored students mainly in PJ or TTDI. He was a bright student though slightly on the slow side. This was my 2nd month of tutoring him.

"Times up!" I said.

He let out an 'Aiya' exclamation...one of signals that showed he was more motivated than he wanted to convey. He was a funny chap. When faced with a difficult question he often said "I cannot do it", "I don't know how to do it", "Cannot cannot cannot", "I don't know how"...in a consistency that surprised me- sometimes he said it even before I even gave him any questions. It was as if he was trying to test me - "Do what you want, but I cannot do it" or "Don't expect anything out of me" - which was disturbing for me. How can one so young already be programmed to think that he will fail? For most of the lesson, I struggled to keep his attention on the lesson and his learning attitude in place.

However in this session tonight, for once he genuinely was interested in what he was doing and doing it with a fervour. This little spark I will keep nurturing (albeit with much patience though) until he makes it.

I'm Back!

After 2 weeks of being away I'm finally blogging again. In between I visited Ipoh Taiping, was in company trainings, workshops, turned 27 years old and spent a very nice 5 days in Phuket. Thought I'd drop a message here before I go into 'blog oblivion' - that obscure place where you're a million miles from posting messages and your page gets stuck at the same place all the time. Good to be back!

Hide and Seek

by Howard Jones

There was a time when there was nothing at al
Nothing at all, just a distant hum
There was a being and he lived on his own
He had no one to talk to, and nothing to do
He drew up the plans, learnt to work with his hands
A million years passed by and his work was done
And his words were these...

Hope you find it in everything, everything that you see
Hope you find it in everything, everything that you see
Hope you find it, hope you find it
Hope you find me in you

Fiona's Law

Murphy's Law:
If anything can go wrong, it will.

Fiona's Law:
(Murphy's Law x Careless) = (Aftermath)(power to gazillion times)

Here's how the above is demonstrated:

Phuket Trip:
I get ready to fly off to Phuket - everything packed and ready to go. Even the minutest detail taken care of - bottle of water, extra underwear, contact lenses, etc in the bag. Timed to leave the house at 9am for the flight check in at 10.45am. Mother (who was informed beforehand) is ready to take me to the KLIA Transit station. I open my passport and see that it's expired -Feb 2005. Great.

Parking Ticket:
Pissed off that I had to reschedule the trip, I go off to Mid Valley with Philippe who wanted to do some grocery shopping. Realizing that I would be RM800 poorer due to the change in airticket AND renewal of passport, I vowed not spend a cent on anything in Mid Valley. Parking is free so don't have to pay anything. Lunch, can eat at home. Just the petrol and the occasional phone call to AirAsia to settle the details. In Carrefour, I pass the food aisle, resist the urge to pick up useless food items. Resist the urge to eat lunch in Mid Valley itself. Checking out time, time to pay the parking. Where's the ticket? Not in my bag though I swore I saw it drop in my sack during the entry. It must have dropped out when my bag tilted or when I took out my hp to answer a call. Run around Carrefour retracing my steps. Ask the info counter and security counters. No one has seen it. After 1/2 an hour I give up. Pay the RM20 for the lost ticket. Great.

Happy Merdeka Day

Selamat Hari Merdeka
Hari ini kena jadi drebar pendekar
Terlupa hari ini jalan tertutup
Jln Tun Razak, Jln Ampang terbuntut
Kereta terpasang jalur gemilang
Semangat keMalaysiaan berkobar-kobar
sewaktu kemelesetan ekonomi yang menular
Harga petrol sudah naik
Nak meraih pun rasa perit
Saya tetap juga nak pergi
Menonton bunga api di KLCC
bersama Indon, Bangla sekali

Three Colours: White

I found this movie lighter than the first, 'Blue'. While 'Blue' was tragically liberating, I found 'White', tragically comic. I couldn't make an immediate connection between the first and the second as they were entirely independent in style and structure.

An interesting observation by Dave Kehr:

"The structure of the trilogy follows the traditional pattern of a three-act play: an opening statement of the themes and images (Blue), a reversal of those themes (White), and finally a synthesis and resolution (Red) that moves the themes to a different level"

Ahhh....a very clever view point and adds more bits to the puzzle.

White begins in Paris- Karol Karol a Polish hairdresser is being divorced by his French wife, Dominique on the basis that the marriage wasn't consumnated. Having lost his self-respect, humiliated cruelly by his wife, he smuggles himself back to Poland in a suitcase. In Poland, he slowly gains his lost pride which ultimately leads him to exact 'equality' on his cold-blooded wife. The twist to the story happens at the very end where he sees his wife in prison and realizes that she still loves him and he still loves her. Equally ironic.



I liked the film - but thought that 'Blue' was more powerful in delivery. On the side, the funny bit about the screening at AEI was the genius 'pre-empting' of the host on the steamy scenes of the movie. Such is the case if we have to placate purists coming to such screenings.

Staging an Act

It's in a buzz. Head slightly light after a double-dose of coffee. Somehow it can't seem to focus its mind. There are days when it did too many things at once, and had too many things to do. Today is one of them . There were also days it stared at the digital dial on its desktop, time dripped slowly as if through a decanter. It was a first class act. It could change its skin like a chameleon and take on many roles. Some roles required its heaviest concentration of skill and some roles it played with such ease, it didn't require thinking - effortless and subconsciously. The following are the roles it has played this week:


Fire Fighter
Nerd
Office worker
Phone 'porridge cooker' (Chinese expression of someone who talks too long on the phone)
Rude person
Pretender
Spy
Busybody
Liar
Sex worker
...and the list goes on.

It sits now at its table, wondering what role would come next. Or is it already assuming one at the moment?...Yes, without it realizing, it is now playing the role of 'schemer'. That is why it cannot focus its mind. It is not a natural manipulator of resources and planning. This requires much amount of work and effort to learn and it has not much time. Now that it has realized what it has become, the learning process begins....

Falling Off the Face of The Earth

The following was sparked by Murakami.

Phone rings
I let it go unanswered

SMS comes
I ignore it

Email drops in
I don't reply

Job postings in inbox
I put it in the trash

Enquiries from customers come in
I cancel the phone calls

Mother Father calls me/sms me. Worried about me
I am not there

Lover calls me/emails me/sms me. Feeling ignored
I disappear, unresolved.

Friends miss calls me, sends me a message. What happened to you?
I am non existent, no response


I sit at home
Feeling nothing, doing nothing
Falling out of the face of society
People stop enquiring
It takes only 90 days to erase a human memory
To be a nothing, wait 90 days
To stay a nothing, do nothing

An Afternoon of Discourse

Last Saturday at La Bodega's was a pretty interesting afternoon indeed. Some of us have met before and some for the first time. And so the 7 of us 'congregated' at La Bodega's Lounge in Bangsar Baru for the first time to talk on....'tan tan ta ra'! ...books! (and also a myriad of related topics....movies, what we do, where we came from, authors, genres etc.) It was also amazing as none of us were from similar backgrounds: some coming from different countries, some locals, some on holiday, some working, some owning their own businesses - everyone's geniality, openness and friendliness amazed me. Thus, I believe that's the magic of book clubs - it takes just the love of books to get people started on sharing. I just love it!

Flesh is Willing, Spirit is Weak

I froze my Fitness First membership for a few months due to the cost and to see if I could live without going for gym for a month. Its been 4 weeks now and I'm getting that 'lazy' feeling again. The feeling of wanting to go home, curl up with my book and munch on everything in the larder. Haven't felt this for years since I started seriously exercising 2 years ago. But somehow I feel deprived. Something's missing but I can't put my finger on it. I don't miss going to the gym, don't miss getting on the treadmill and sweating it out. In fact there's nothing more boring in the world than to run on a treadmill - going through the same motions repeatedly for 20 minutes - so very tedious and burdensome. But yet, my body wants to go and 'punish' itself and to achieve that 'high' after a strenuous workout. Where you're huffing and puffing and sweat is everywhere like a slick coat on your skin. The feeling when your heart is pumping blood like mad throughout your body and you're still going and going and going is exhilarating. Maybe this is the feeling that I miss but my mind is telling me "no money lar" and "you can always find other ways to exercise lar" or "don't be so obsessed lar"

Think I'm having a case of where 'the flesh is willing, but the spirit is weak'

Turd

Beginning at the precipice into the cavity, it moved down the chunnel and squeezed by the funnel. Biological clock moves from the top of the body, cells gradually changing, metamorphosizing, dying and sloughing. New ones activate, slowly from the inner to the outer layers. The motion of life slowly pervading to the lower regions of the torso like the gradual sweeping of light over the millions of grass blades overcasting the meadow. Feeding, always feeding -each individual body of life eating at it, the provider, the life force that flows into their path. Now at the heart of it all, mixtures of gas and chemical burst in reaction, frenzied by the gyrations of life. Dub dub, dub dub....but the journey moves on slowly churning and gurgling like a boiling mass in a contained organic pot slowly transforming it like a well-thought of cuisine prepared with utmost care by the host. Once the orgy is over, the activities subside like the guests that lie exhausted from the previous nights alcohol and crazed sex and dancing- dead but useless. Slowly but surely it's journey still continues. Sludging its way through, pushed without its consent, it slides where it can then stops where it can, sliding again and stopping. Who knows when this motion will end? Its uses spent, poor dead creature but it still moves on. At the nether regions, the movement is slowing almost to a halt. It is slowing, slowing. Soon the moment will come - it does not know. It is dead. It lies forever like this, still and unmoving. Still, still, still. And then the instant arrives, a sudden heave of motion expurges the dead thing out, taking with it all the uselessness and waste where it comes into a new world where no one knows where next it will go.

Another dream

I dreamt another dream this time.

She was wearing a black t-shirt and walking ahead of me. This person seems familiar; someone I know. No, I DO know her. She turns and asks me 'Did you lock your car?' My heartbeat rises a notch. I don't recall pressing the alarm button that makes my car go 'tweep' once. 'Tweep tweep' twice is to unlock it. Or did I do both? Locked it and then unlocked it? I want to get back to my car immediately.

Dream

I didn't update my blog for 2 days! God forgive me for my blog sloth!
I had a dream yesterday about my colleague. She used to mentor me in the days I was a young executive. She moved on to another country for work purpose, now holding a higher position and doing pretty well.

She was onstage receiving an award - it was a big recognition where everyone looks at you, applause going around, spotlight on you. She stepped down and hugged me like I was the most important person in the world - funny I thought cause we weren't close in that manner - I used to hate her guts for being so bossy and annoying. But she was really happy to see me.

Book Clubs Again

Yes, after months of testing, trying, delaying, procrastinating, I'm finally going to get this book club moving again. It's been really great participating in other books and literary groups like fictionandfriends, the book readings. And something tells /screams at me that it's high time I should start it as soon as possible. Why? Not sure.

I've posted a few notices in 2 or 3 forums, and am encouraged by the response. So we shall have the first meeting soon and start the ball rolling.

Chaque Seconde

By Kyo

Je veux vivre chaque seconde
Comme si demain était la fin du monde
Etre libre pour de bon
A trop vouloir s' élever on tombe