She's Always a Woman - Billy Joel

To all my girls out there....

She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child,
But she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe you
And she'll take what you give her, as long as it's free
Yeah, she steals like a thief
But she's always a woman to me

CHORUS:
Oh--she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh--and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

And she'll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me
--Mhmm--

Bridge

CHORUS:
Oh--she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh--and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
And she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me
--Mhmm--

Everly Brothers - Dream / Cathy's Clown

Vini came over and we sang to retro- hits (Are you Lonesome Tonight - Elvis, Jambalaya, Tie a Yellow Ribbon, Close To You - Carpentars etc.) which brought back memories of childhood when dad would put on his tapes in the yellow Ford station wagon while he and mom sat in front, me and sis would be at the back. He played all these 'then' hits, probably re-living his hey-days as a rocker, bowling champ, body-builder dude (he still keeps his Elvis bob till today) - me and sis were subjected to the 'oldies-but-goldies' the whole way through the car journey (sometimes repeatedly).

I grew to love these songs and had my particular favourites e.g. The Carpentars "Yesterday Once More", Cliff Richard's "Living Doll", "Evergreen Tree", Everly Brothers'"Cathy's Clown","Dream",(almost all in the record actually', Elvis "Devil in Disguise","Suspicious Minds" to name a few. When mom or dad parked the car and left me in it to run errands I'd reach over and 'touched' (which I wasn't supposed to) the tape player to fwd/rewind to my fave bits

Here's my favourite oldy-but-goldy band, the Everly Brothers singing my all time favourite "Dream" and "Cathy's Clown"

This Week in April

Well it's another month gone - salary's in.

I've been to 5 person's houses this month alone. Had 1 potluck in one, a big roast in another. Since last week have met quite a few new people (in life and in work)

Been sleeping late and neglecting exercise recently so that's the "not-good" bit. Get really cranky then.

Started playing ultimate which is the 'good' bit.

Worked in 2 airports - it's a time of change at work and am going to be moving from one to the other. Commute is really expensive and time-consumning but I look forward to the new development.

April was also the month of the London Marathon - quite exciting.

Celebrated Easter by playing for the church

Went on a mystery date

Finally went to Brighton with the girls and we had a lovely time.

Had some really good news from friends about
a. moving house
b. getting hitched
c. baby moving into 2nd trimester
d. found a boyfriend
e. Going home for good
f. coming back to the UK from home
g. changing career
h. buying a car


The weather is getting really warm now and I can't stand wearing a coat in the train. Now moving into the mid of the 2nd quarter of 2010 - you know you're enjoying life when it moves so quickly.

To all the Marathon Runners- Past, Present & Future

Tomorrow will be one of London's greatest days in the year, and probably one of the greatest in the sporting calendar- the Virgin London Marathon. If this is your first marathon, you'd been training for the past months now and have had your trial run around London.You probably have some sort of ailment i.e. sore knee, aching ankle or shints but what's more worrying is not the physical ailment but the risk of not finishing the race. For all you marathon runners, whether fledgling or veteran, the same feelings will be there: anxiousness, trepidation, excitement, anticipation. You've probably noticed that it has been a week now since they've put up signs on the road 'Road Closure for the London Marathon April 25 2010' Pubs are displaying free grub for marathoners - you start off on the Sunday morning on the DLR with the fact that the whole of London and the world will be cheering you on.

As a writer wrote "We're all involved in this somehow - we all know someone who's taken part - who's succumbed to, overcome, or been overtaken by, some guy dressed as a llama'

For all you london marathoners out there, past, future and present, whether running or not; the pain is temporary but the pride is forever.

God gives

Got a really nice message from Lat today

" I miss my friends. When I see some other gang sitting around, caring, slapping each other, their mischievous smiles switching to loud laughters. Though stranger to me, they represent a part of my life I lost somewhere. I miss my friends. I like you, love you all and miss you all"

I miss you all too! (to the Kajai gang) and also to Angie and the girls.

Getting nostalgic now with a few friends leaving the UK in the coming months. Especially being single in a foreign land, your friends tend to become your family here. There's also the realization that people are likely to move in and out of our lives quite frequently with London being such a transient city. (Am also coming to terms with the fact that some friends are also leaving Malaysia and I'd probably not see them for a very long time)

On another note, I spoke to my mum last week about Aunty Nora. Somehow I thought about her (funnily enough, mum was thinking very much about her too) She and Uncle Ibrahim used to come over and play golf with mum and dad, hang out at our place in the evenings playing 'pok-kuat', go on holidays together many years ago when I was a teenager (I remember the great East Coast road trip where a few families drove to Banting to Kelantan to Pahang, to Terengganu and all the way back to KL). I grew up, went to university, started working. But Uncle Ibrahim and Aunty Nora would still now and then come to play golf with mum and dad but less so. Unfortunately she is not here with us today as she's passed away a few years ago God bless her.It seems unreal that people move on from this earth but you'd expect to see them one day.

So the next time someone hurts or disappoints, makes us laugh or cry with happiness, we can comfort ourselves with this phrase:

"God doesn't give you the people you want, he gives you the people you NEED. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be."

"Happiness is a by-product"

How ironic it is that in the pursuit of happiness, we become unhappiness in itself.

Unforeseen Circumstances

The station concourse was practically vacant this morning - the 3 coffee shops were open (WH Smith was shut - due to an electrical fault) and there were a few millers and airport workers grazing the floor.

Everything else seemed alright, the sky was blue, check-in counters open, bus transfers active on the forecourt, but passengers and travellers strangely absent. Felt like a scene out of a Stephen King movie, "The Longaliers" where a handful of plane passengers land in a mysteriously deserted airport from another dimension.

According to my colleagues, it would be chaos to fly, as the planes were all crazily parked all over the piers. On the flight information screens, all flights were shown as 'Cancelled' or 'Check with airline'(north-bound ones)

All this is due to a 200-year silent volcano with a funny name a few thousand miles away which decided erupt. It seemed strange too as the weather looked so nice outside; bright sunshine, blue skies and fluffy white clouds.

Work fun

My colleagues are a really funny bunch - we all have nicknames for each other (can't believe they're all propagated by 40 somethings)

Andy Tarrant - Commission Manager - Tarantula
Tim Chopping - Senior Planner - Choppers
Rita Dunauskyte - Planner (North Terminal) - Rita Skeeter (ala Harry Potter)
Steve Arnold - Planner (South Terminal) - Steve (:P)
Me - Cost and Programme Reporting - Psycho Ninja

There's a printout of an arrow with the word 'Blame' and it's pointing at me. I put up another one pointing towards Choppers.

Every once in a while, Rita and I would play a musical toy (which amy's given me) to entertain or annoy the others. When it's serious, it gets serious but when it's balmy, it's just really funny.

Quantifying the Intangibles

A friend of mine came up with the concept of quantifying friendship by 'points'. It all started off with a discussion on one of the concepts from Covey's '7 Habits" i.e. the EBA (Emotional Bank Account. If we counted utilities derived from the friendship in 'points' and these 'points' are stored in a 'friendship account', and as time passes, we'd have a steady input(or even output) in the 'account'. The higher the balance, the loftier your friendship status is; and the lower the balance, the lower the ranks you become amongst other friends.

How simple it is to give a measurement to an intangible by representation but cynical upon the friendship on that part.

Off to France: Strategy, project management, communication etc.

Off to France tomorrow for the Erasmus Mundus Conference. Thanks to Amy for letting me know about it and encouraging to apply. Surprisingly they've selected my and Hedi's theses paper for one of the workshops and I'd have to deliver it in a 30 min presentation.

Whilst preparing for it, I recalled the summer of 2009, I was in the AIG offices in Milan with the Financial Lines department - I've been there for 3 weeks - it was August and the weather was surprisingly cool. Ferragosto is a quiet period for the Milanese but the team in the office never has a dull moment. and Solaro, Florian, Antonio and a few of the other guys have been super-cool to me. They've put me on the IT system to vet some contracts, taught me a bit about underwriting some of the products i.e. PI (Personal Indemnity, Engineering, A&H. It's a whole different world of insurance compared to my professional experience back home.

Fast forward to the winter of 2009, I'm now in the AIG office in Stockholm. I'm working on the same systems again but it's in a quieter environment (Stockholms' offices are smaller). I'm on my own lap top in a hot desk (used to be owned by one of the staff who's on the Xmas hols) and everyone is quietly hunched over their desks. I'm next to the Financial Lines department again but not working directly with them as I did in Milan but with another department (Underwriting)- more data entry than anything. I feel the atmosphere is more relaxed and calmer but always an underlying TOD.

Despite what's happened to AIG, I still am amazed by my moving through 3 different offices in 3 different countries (paid a visit to La Defense in Paris to speak to Jon Noel, head of OOC too for a day). That's what I call a global company.

I owe my thanks to Ms Ariela Camis de Fonseca(Milan), Muhaini Musa (Malaysia), Aiken Yuen (Hong Kong), Berit Adolfssen (Stockholm),Dawn Cheyrouze (Paris). And for the theses writing, my partner, Hedi Yousefi-Zadeh and our supervisor (now Vice Chancellor of Sundsvall University, Sweden) Anders Soderholm.

Today I fly off to Bordeaux to share this experience.

A wound won't heal if you keep opening it up.

J, this is for you:

It's been 3 weeks now since 'the cut'. It was in anticipation of happiness; the reason for it happening but all it led to was a slice so deep that it really hurts. It really hurts doesn't it? We try to be brave and move on, but it's another thing to keep revisiting it. Wounded flesh takes time to heal - the only way to do it is to really leave it alone. Do other stuff, distract yourself, get busy, anything but get the injury hurt again. It may take a long time, a lifetime, but we need to heal - we owe ourselves that much. I have good news, consolation for you; the body is an amazing creation - it can, and it will.

(and that is for me too)

Ping Pong

Suddenly have an urge to play 'round-the-table' ping pong. Used to do it a lot back in Umea with the Swedes. We were about 7-8 people running around the ping pong table and seeing who'd be final champ. I wasn't bad for a start(must be my Chinese genes). Popped over to Sportsdirect and the bats weren't really expensive (about 2.50GBP). There's a club in Brick Lane that does that (The Young Offender's Institute - might pop by one of these days)

Springs

Spring 2010
16th March,22.50pm, Monday, London, Rolls Road
The weather is starting to get warmer - 10-12 C - is it me or is there less rubbish wind to seep into your coat and then your bones. It's starting to get brighter now - I walk to London Bridge station in broad light instead of the grey light. The dawn breaks at 5.30am now (I am awake by now usually) and I wonder if I should be happy or sad that the day has caught up with me. My coat is too warm now when it was not too long before that I used to chastise myself for not having layered enough. I know its spring when I see the flowers start to bloom on my morning walk - crocuses and daffodils especially. The purple ones look especially vibrant. I remember a conversation with a bunch of Europeans; I hadn't been abroad before and asked which seasons did they love the best. Most them said 'the spring' although I expected them to say the warm summer. Now I understand why; It's the feeling of new beginning, new hope that permeates the air.

Spring 2009
13th April, 9.48pm, Friday, Amsterdam, Stayokay Hostel Vondelpark
Pooped- I spent a total of 65EU and it's only been a day. Met up with Eleanor and Chew Ping this morning at the station and they were happy enough but it's now 8pm and we've just arrived to the pier on the ferry...12.50EU. Struggled to stay awake throughout the float but failed several times.

Met up with Boris after so many years and he still looks the same. He has a baby girl named Lisee now. What a big difference from the hazy crazy trainee days in Malaysia....he's a daddy now. Good to meet up with old friends.

Spring 2008
20th April, 4.50pm, Sunday, Umea Sweden, Fysikgrand 3H-101

Just came back from Skogis with Bimal. This Sunday was one of the more interesting Sundays of my days in Umea. I woke up at 9am which was rather early considering the party at Malin's (birthday)....ate breakfast and then fell back asleep again. Woke up at 11.45am again when Bimal called to tell me that we had an appointment with Anders at 1pm in the business school. Anders had been away for his new job as Vice-Chancellor of Sundsvall University. We had a nice walk to the uni in the new spring weather. Spring finally arrived on Tuesday mid-of-the-month with the sunny days and mysterious evaporation of the snow. The past few days have been blue skies and sunshine and birds singing in the trees

Spring 2007
15th April, 4.45pm, Milan, Parco Sempione
'Ty' in the park. Actually sandwiches, cornflakes to munch on, apples and orange juice. Jas and I are sitting on a blanket in the park. Haven't done this since Ela and her bf and I went to Ulus Parki in Istanbul. It was 2002.

Spring is here; the air is cool and the sun is shining. Green, green, green everywhere. Dark aquamarines, white daisies, purple flowers, birds singing...Italians are starting to come alive; families play ball; couples sunbathing in the grass. Far off, there's bhangra music playing (bhangra??) and drum beats, urgent, ushering the warm weather in celebration. I like best the daisies; dainty delicate things poking through the grass as if to say 'hello'. I used to think they were special since they were rare in Malaysia. Plucked them to press in books, later immortalizing them in my bookmark collection. Now they are everywhere around me; where there's green, there are the daisies. They never stand alone; if they did, it didn't look right. Two or three balanced in the picture and there was always a cluster; never a 'one'.

Ludivico Einaudi - I Giorni (The Days)

It was 12 plus in Rolls Road and here I was baking in the night (consequences of sleeping too much in the afternoon) Was tuned into the BBC Classic channel and this beautiful gem came on. Listening to this in the calm, in the clear and in the night came to me in a revelation that sometimes we are meant to find happiness when we least expect it even if it's only for a while.

Missy Higgins - Where I Stood

Kingmaker

The term is applied generally to a person or group that has great influence in a royal or political succession, without being a viable candidate

Happy Chinese New Year

Food, red, fireworks, food, friends

Stuff on my desk

Books:
Margaret Atwood's "The Year of The Flood"
The Economist's "Headhunters and How to Use Them"
Robert Pirsig's "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
Seibel and Khalisa's "A Woman's Book of Yoga"
Louis de Bernieres' "Birds Without WIngs"
Tash Aw's "Map of the Invisible World"
BBC Good Food's "101 Cakes and Bakes"
Rabiah Amit's "Kek Lapis Sarawak"

Stuff:
3 different ring binded notebooks - 2 big, 1 small
A big-button calculator
A blue plastic file full of papers and name cards
A blue-grey old Nokia 1101
A grey Nokia mobile phone (unknown model)
2 clear plastic file with bank statements, letters and stuff
A 160GB external hard drive
A pink bottle of rose water
A pot of vaseline (100g)
A small vial of Estee Lauder's 'Paradise'
A 400ml of baby oil from Tesco's (30% full now)
A plastic box of cotton buds
A bottle of tea tree oil toner
A pink bottle of rose water
A guitar capo (black)
An egg (musical one with beans in it)
A bottle of T3 Mycin
An empty oversqueezed bottle of Garnier's Skin Natural Long-lasting shine control moisturizer
A silver hole puncher
A small vanity mirror on a grey stand
A glass of water with apple cider vinegar in it
A mug of Christmas Tea with a teaspoon in it

New Romantic - Laura Marling

Christmas and New Year's in Sunny Malaysia

2009 has come and gone. This year had its moments - America's first coloured President,the passing of Michael Jackson, the economic depression in the UK, warmer than usual summer and finising off with sudden continuous snowfall....Pretty eventful.

Rushed back on the plane back home, not without sleeping in Stansted due to the delayed Airasia flight.

Good to be with Mom and Dad and Flo back home. Warm weather, sweaty pants, eat eat eat. Nothing like being anak emas again.

Big Sis Flo 'belanja me eat' Japanese and then took me to a cool Salsa place in Jln Sultan Ismail called Paradize Lodge.

Trusty Angie had planned an exciting Boxing day do and met some nice friends for a sing song session.



Met up with good ole friends for makan makan (Yin Li = Min sin at Jln Alor, Stan and Aretha = Loh Shi Fun, Hui Yee , A again and Amber = Siu Siu seafood, Kajai gang = steamboat,Vini+ChewP = home made cakes)



Shiv and Kal were the only ones who's meet up involved some phyical activity albeit the best kind = ultimate on Padang Astaka.




Then new year's with Angie with bbq and conteng - conteng baju(only she would think of such fab activities).



It was fun to be back - shopping , taking the LRT, eating, sleeping - driving my trusty little box-car, seeing the old Chinese uncles and aunties, ladies in tudung, pak cik-pak cik. Despite all you hear, Malaysia may be screwed up but it's home sweet home.